Self-Advocacy Skills for Middle Schoolers: How Parents Can Help Their Child Speak Up

Middle school comes with many changes. Multiple teachers with new expectations mean multiple assignments which means multiple deadlines that students need to stay on top of. Students may also be faced with social differences.  

Students are given the opportunity to advocate for their needs, but parents may want to step in and help. Self-advocacy is understanding what you need, communicating those needs respectfully, and taking steps to find solutions. Middle school is the time to allow students to advocate for themselves. We do not want to remove their challenges but rather give students the opportunity to navigate them and learn how to handle these challenges. 

Help Students Practice Standing Up to Teachers 

Encourage your student to contact or speak to their teachers as needed. If there is a question of needing help or an explanation, email or speak to them. Remind students that asking for help or an explanation is not a sign of weakness. They should not be embarrassed. At home, practice scenarios with them so they become more comfortable. This gives them more confidence and helps them become comfortable.  

Resist the Urge to Fix Everything for Them 

If your student does poorly on a test, as parents, our reaction might be to email the teacher and share thoughts on why your child failed the test, give opinions about the test, or try to fix the situation. Instead, have a conversation with your student to hear more about the test before reacting. Ask them questions that requires them to decide what part they played in the poor grade as well as what they should do. With your help creating the email, encourage your child to ask their teacher for tips on what they could do differently for the next test. 

Build Self-Advocacy into Everyday Life 

Seek opportunities for your student to practice self-advocacy. It will become easier and they will feel more confident the more they practice. One conversation with a teacher about a poor grade is not enough. Encourage your child to order their own food at a restaurant or speak to their coach before or after practice or a game. Praise your child for trying if the conversation doesn’t go as smoothly as they hoped.  

Know When Your Student Needs More Help 

The goal is to provide a bridge towards independence. Some need help with organizing their thoughts, others need help with how to speak to an adult. Parents should be available to help students find the resources they need while still being involved in the process. 

This approach allows parents to walk alongside their child and coach them. In middle school, we do not want to desert our child from tough situations but rather be supportive. Teaching self-advocacy in middle school sets students up for an easier transition to high school.